Parents Helping Parents

Carrie Coppernoll, Staff Writer

Published: July 27, 2008

Pat Nichols felt like he was the last one to know about his son’s drug addiction.

“Most people know what you’re children are doing,” he said, “but they’re afraid to tell you.”

Pat and his wife, Vickie,didn’t know where to turn when they found out their son was addicted to drugs. So the Edmond couple created a haven for parents of addicts — Parents Helping Parents. The organization provides free resources and support for parents throughout the metro area.

“I didn’t have a clue what was going on,” Nichols said. “I didn’t understand why my son would throw everything away — his golf scholarship, his friends, his respect from his family. Anything that you can think of, he was throwing away. And no one said a word to me.”

So Nichols decided to find out as much as he could. Instead of gardening or playing golf, he spent his time researching addiction. He wanted to help other parents, so he began speaking to parents whose children were moving through juvenile court. He made connections, and eventually those parents started meeting, in small support groups, in 2001.

Seven years later, Nichols still reaches out to parents, and his son is still battling his addiction to crack cocaine.

“Whether they’re 16 or 46, this issue has the same kind of problems,” he said, “and we don’t quit loving our children because they’re adults. ... My son knows he’s loved and he knows he’s forgiven and he knows we support recovery. When he calls we can still have a good conversation. He knows he’s still my son.”

Ironically, a parent was the one who first provided Nichols’ son drugs. He was 16 when he first smoked marijuana at a friend’s house — a friend whose father grew marijuana on a farm north of Guthrie. “By the time I learned the truth,” Nichols said, “that was years afterward.”

Meeting with other parents who are surviving the same tough times helps inspire the Nichols.

“When I see the pain and suffering they’re in, it reinforces me to contain and fight the good fight,” Nichols said. “It helps remind me of the importance of Parents Helping Parents, what our mission is.”

Addiction affects every aspect of family life, Nichols said. The parents’ relationship is strained; money for treatment evaporates. Blame is passed around. Some families have to care for children who are expelled from school or who are facing criminal charges.

“This can happen to any family,” Nichols said.

Getting Help: Parents Helping Parents

For more information, go to www.parentshelpingparents.info. Meetings in Edmond are at 6:30 p.m. every first and third Thursday of the month at the Oklahoma Blood Institute, 3409 S Broadway, No. 300. Meetings in Norman are at 7 p.m. every second and fourth Thursday of the month at various locations, which are listed on the Web site. Call 278-1221. Online meetings are also available on the Web site.

A workshop for parents and other community members is scheduled for Sept. 27, said Linda Stokes, director of services for Parents Helping Parents. Registration will be $99 per person, $175 per couple and $250 per family. Call Stokes at 706-5816. Stokes, who has three children in recovery, said the organization has been helpful to her and many other parents.

“You stop supporting the disease,” she said. “You stop enabling. You stop making excuses.”

What to do if your child is using

Parents must be willing to confront their children, said Mark Woodward,spokesman for the Oklahoma Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.

“They’re really often times afraid to confront their children of what they’re into, who they’re hanging around, for fear that their greatest concern may be true,” he said.

Some parents are afraid to search a child’s room for fear they’re invading his privacy, Woodward said. But the responsibility to keep a child healthy and safe outweighs privacy.“You need to do everything it takes to get between your child and the drugs,” he said. “And often times that’s tearing the room apart piece by piece, drawer by drawer.”

If parents discover their son or daughter is using drugs, they should seek professional help, Woodward said. Counselors, social workers, medical professionals, support groups or even law enforcement can offer advice.